Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
