I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
