So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
