Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
