never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
