I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
