Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
