I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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