i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
