in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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