You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
