I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
