I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
