Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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