Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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