I didn't shave. On purpose
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
