she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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