she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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