Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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