why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This couple is walking their pig around campus
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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