Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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