I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
