You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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