fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
