The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
