i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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