so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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