he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
