why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
