But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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