Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
