belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
