It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
