Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
