If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize