I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
