you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
