Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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