booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
