Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
