so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
