i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
