Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just want nice things and good sex
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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