2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize