he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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