btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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