The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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