sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize