Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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