between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
