she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
