Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
