I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are all done wearing pants today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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