I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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