Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
