i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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