I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
