You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
