remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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