Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
