I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
