Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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