I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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