Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
