whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
