Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
