Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
