Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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