I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
