So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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